Christmas Carol debunking

More of the good stuff!
Today: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
ok so this isn't technically a carol.... but it's still fun to debunk!!

"twas the night before christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse" (of course... this is only assuming that every american home has a mouse sitting in it waiting for santa claus.)
"the children were nestled snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads" (someone enlighten me... what are sugar plums... and can they dance?)
"mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap" (uh... no.... a couple more questions... 1. who wears kerchiefs and caps to bed any more? and 2. do you really think that your kids are going to let you sleep in on CHRISTMAS?!?!?!?!)
"when what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer" (santa's teeny?!?!?!?!)
"down the chimney st. nicholas came with a bound" (hmmm.... so he's tiny, fat, and is now entering people's property without their permission.... yeah.... this santa dude's real nice...)
"with a sleigh full of toys and st.nicholas too" (how do the toys fit? i thought he had a miniature sleigh?)
"he was all dressed in fur, from his head to his foot,"

then

"and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack" (wait.... he's completely in fur... but now HE'S A PEDDLER?! isn't fur reeeeeaaaaly expensive?)


but people.... this is the absolute worst....

"and the stump of a PIPE he held tight in his teeth,
and the SMOKE it encircled his head like a wreath" (PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?! NOW SANTA SMOKES!!!!! JEEEEEEEZ!!!!!!!! WHAT KINDA ROLE MODEL IS HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!)

this has been christmas carol debunking with invisigirl... bye!